woman-and-map

That shift from summer to winter is always hard for me.  In the Palouse, we barely have a fall.  We go from hot sunny days to grey and cold.  My system just can’t handle it and I always have a slump.  Usually I snap out of it fairly quickly since we have holidays that I love.  October and November remain busy and wonderful that I barely notice the blues that threaten to devour me every fall.

I am always more tired during our winter months because there is little light but I never stop completely.  Maybe a few days before I’m back to thinking about goodies and projects.

This year, though, didn’t quite work that way.

A couple weeks back, I started taking a Zumba class with friends.  I was surprised by it for many reasons but it started this nagging thought in the back of my head.  When did I become this person?  When did I stop being the person I was?

There was a time not even all that long ago (okay maybe a few years ago) when I was active.  I did things.  Now I barely do anything.  We have no extra physical activities in our routine.  No long walks.  No big hikes.  We barely go outside.  I did do a few things this summer but I really felt my age.  When did I get to be so old?

Then something weird happened.  I got an email about participating in a creative revitalization promotion.  The idea was to promote books such as The Artist’s Way so that those so stressed by current events can find their way back to their creative life.  Awesome, I love those books but…wait…when was the last time I did anything creative?

I’m always doing creative things – right?  I mean I just wrote that story (two months ago) and I do things.  Hmm.

I had to stop and really think about it.  When did I stop playing?  When was the last time I really played?  When was the last time I really did something for my creative well?  I’ve been reading a lot but that takes a lot of energy and fighting to get it done.  It shouldn’t be that hard.

But it took a lot of universal messages for me to realize that I stalled somewhere along the way.  I looked like I was doing things but I could feel the doldrum cycle pulling at me.  You know that cycle – I don’t have the energy to do anything which makes me feel bad which drains my energy which makes me feel worse which drains my energy even further.

Wow – so I don’t want to be that person.  I hate when I get into that cycle but it’s a hard one to break, especially when there are so many great time drains online.

I don’t have the magic fix.  The first step is to realize that it’s happening.  The next is to do something that stirs your soul.  I went to Zumba with friends.  Then I decided to pick a few Pinterest projects.  With my niece coming to visit, I have a wonderful opportunity to find a distraction.  I want to be crafty with her so while I pick projects for the two of us, I find things that inspire me.

Most importantly, you just have to do.  Stop making excuses.  Let it be hard.  Let it be pointless.  Let it be.  Or as Nike says – Just do it.  It doesn’t have to be good.  It doesn’t have to win awards.  It doesn’t even have to be more than just having fun.

With this, I am going to be fairly quiet the rest of this week.  I am going to recharge my batteries.  Figure out where I took a wrong turn and try to find my way back to the person I want to be.

Hope you find your way too.

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