, , ,

On Being Two Faced

I’m sitting in church and someone says something that gets me thinking about being “two-faced”.  I do some of my best thinking in church.

When I say two-faced, I don’t mean someone who likes you when you are around and hates you when you are not.  I am talking about those little things we do to make ourselves perceivably more likeable.

We would like to say we don’t do it but we all do.  It’s those little lies we tell about ourselves.  “Of course I love xyz.  Doesn’t everyone?”  (Meanwhile you are fighting down gagging noises because you can’t stand that.)

I have been learning to be more honest about myself.  I’m not a typical girl (I don’t think there is such a thing).  I like the look of jewelry, I don’t like wearing it.  I love horror, science fiction, fantasy, graphic novels and Jane Austen.  I loved Downton Abbey because I love history.  I love romance.  I, also, love female serial killers (in movies or books, not in real life).  I love cooking, canning, decorating, and the idea of getting my nails done (hate to have someone touch me that long).  I love dresses and hats.  I could live in my pajamas.

Very few people know all that about me.  Why – because I am a different person depending on where I am.

I’m learning to be multi-faceted.  I’m trying to teach others.  It’s really hard to connect to people when you know you aren’t normal.  It’s even more difficult when you don’t give them the chance to know you.

I want to stand up in church and tell everyone to embrace those awkward moments.  Be willing to risk humiliation.  Be willing to put yourself out there.  Because there might be someone desperate to connect to someone else with the same interest.  You may be paving the way to amazingly new friendships.  You may be deepening old ones.

But the best part, you become a whole person.  No more “lies”, no more falsehoods.  Why base all your relationships on that?  Embrace your weird, raise your freak flag – what ever convinces you that the real you is the best version of yourself.

It takes time to realize, God made you this way for a reason.  The world is a beautiful, colorful place because you are part of it.

Next time your friend mentions xyz – you can say “not really, but I love abc” or “it hadn’t interested me so I haven’t seen/read/etc it, what do you like about it”.  Makes you more comfortable and gives your friend an opportunity to share something with you (and you can share something in return).  You may or may not like it together but at least you tried.  And maybe they’ll learn to appreciate the inside jokes you are so dying to share (because you know you are).