* I want to start with a note explaining a small change. With so many topics possible and planned this year, I want to limit my “essays” and thoughts to accommodate more tutorials so on Wednesdays I will share my fiction writing as well as random thoughts I have that I want to share. I do have a fictional story in the works so sharing other things will allow me to get more fiction finished before sharing here.
Nothing bothers me more than feeling misunderstood and not having a chance to clarify. I have a lot of thoughts and brevity is not my strong suit. So when I had a chance to share a thought last night, I tried hard to make it simple and clear only to find that it wasn’t clear and I didn’t want to spend time trying to clarify.
You see, I attended a “lecture” last night hosted by my friend, Kami. Her topic was Depression and Anxiety. A topic I can talk a lot about. But it was when another friend said that one thing that bothered her was that she still had a lot of fear even though she thought she had enough faith. How much faith does it take to get rid of that fear? There were some comments including how fear (and depression) fills us with lies.
I wanted to share my beliefs of why we have disappointments and fear but I realized too late that what I meant wasn’t exactly what I explained. Too many thoughts, not enough time to share them clearly.
Here was what I said – My family has a philosophy that there are always reasons and lessons in everything we experience. Sometimes when the experience is negative, it’s hard to see past the negative to the positive parts of it. However, when we can look back sometimes we can see the Hand of God.
Kami replied that she didn’t believe that God actually manipulated our lives but she felt that he was there to comfort us (and end of subject).
I sat there frustrated because she missed the point. I don’t believe that God moves us around like pieces on a chessboard but I do believe in fate. I believe that we have a destiny. We are given desires and talents that are meant for a higher purpose. This is a belief held by my family. When we are on the right path, things are easier. Serendipity happens. Sometimes you can’t see this until you are looking back.
I believe that our destiny whispers in our ear and inspires us. I believe when we fight our destiny, things get really tough. Now I don’t believe that to follow a destiny means an easy life or that we live in a palace filled with riches. Following our destiny gives us internal riches – contentment, happiness, peace, love, joy. We wake up in the morning and love the life we have. We may still struggle but it’s a struggle we enjoy.
When we fight against our destiny we are filled with discord. To me, that feeling of fear or unease is not a sign of not having enough faith but not listening to that small voice inside of you. Now when it comes to fear, you have to question why you are afraid. If you are afraid of heights, that’s not unreasonable. Kami said a fear of death is rational – in fact she’d be worried if one did not have a fear of death to some degree (content with dying is not the same as not being afraid of dying).
However, sometimes fear tells us where we need to go. Fear of public speaking may mean a lack of confidence. Finding opportunities to share your thoughts can help and may be what you need to move forward. Fear of failure can cripple someone enough that they stop trying. This is an obstacle that the voice inside you is pointing out. There’s a big sign there that says “you must remove this roadblock to your destiny”.
For me, when a fear of that type (especially a new and unfounded fear) crops up, it highlights something I need to work on. I see it as a guide to the better life waiting for me. I need to work through that fear to reach the next step. I call that the Hand of God. I’m not sure if it’s truly God or a guiding angel or what but I know it’s divine.
I believe that it also happens when one thing leads to another and I didn’t do it with intention. When that voice whispers to me to do something and I do, only to find that it gave me an opportunity I hadn’t expected. I see it when I learn a lesson I didn’t necessarily sign up for.
The divine is in our every day life. It guides us and speaks to us. Learning to listen is the hard part. Learning to connect the dots. Like the Phoenix, our life can be reduced to ashes but it’s necessary so that we can rise from them even better. That’s when faith carries us the most.