Not that long ago, I told a friend that if she were to leave the changes she knows she needs to make for her future to the universe, it will have a violent result. My point was that the universe will get its way. At first it nudges, those are the stirrings in our heart. It may come as restlessness or desire but eventually it becomes a nagging thought. Sometimes it feels impossible. When we are too afraid or stuck to follow those urges, the universe steps in. It’s never pretty when that happens. The last time it happened to us, we lost our house in a fire and ended up homeless.
I sit here, today, realizing that somewhere I missed the message as I am reeling from all the emotional pain in my life. There has been a lot of loss. I can’t even begin to put into words what I am feeling – there’s sadness and confusion and relief. It’s the relief part that has me wondering what messages I missed earlier this year. Had I gotten too comfortable with my life as it was that I stopped moving towards the future? Was I on the wrong path or on this path for too long? I can’t explain it.
All I do know is that there are some stirrings in my heart that weren’t there a month ago. Well, if they were there, I didn’t notice them.
Losing the store has opened up new possibilities for me and given me lessons that I can’t believe I hadn’t learned before.
1. I am not a salesman. I hate sales. I’m not good at promotions at all. I try. I’ve learned a ton on marketing but I’m not good at it. I realize as a creative person, I don’t have to be great at it. However, as a business owner, it’s a necessary evil. I’ve never been good at sales or marketing. I can write an ad but the everyday promotions are where I fail. My husband is the yin to my yang here – he’s great at sales and promotions. Not sure he’s great at promoting himself or with the more long term marketing strategies (which I seem to be better at). We know that together we make a great sales team.
2. I love being a creative person. I can create on a schedule. And with a schedule I am more committed to being creative. However, I need to give myself a little time to do a side project now and again. I know that I could create enough to make a living with creativity if I can sell whatever it is I am creating.
3. I can be organized but it’s a lot of work. No one in my home will help me stay organized and that includes me. I can be organized but I’m not great at putting things away. New items that don’t have a place to “live” can throw the whole system out the window.
4. I can survive working with my family. A family business can tear a family apart. While we had our problems, we’ve managed to work through most of them. We’ve learned to communicate better (and still need so much more work) and we’ve learned to trust each other’s instincts. We can overcome. I, also, learned that having my family as a part of my endeavors makes them not only more enjoyable but more successful.
Knowing all that, I realized that I love the idea of using my creativity to make a living. I don’t know how I want to do that but I do. I, also, know that I can do both my day job and a creative job. I can work long hours without burning out but I’ve also realized it’s not something I can do long term. Thankfully, my creative “job” won’t require as many hours as the store did – more because I am not constricted by those hours. I can be more flexible.
I don’t have any regrets. I am sad but I will always have some growing pains with finding my true calling. I haven’t made any decisions but I am listening to that little voice that whispers which path to take. I promised myself that I wouldn’t make any solid decisions until after September 1st and even then, I plan on taking a complete break to figure things out. While things are shifting and changing, I need the dust to settle before I move forward. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t consult some maps along the way.