, ,

On Monday, I went home early.  I have been exhausted all week and Monday was just too hard to face so I left before lunch.  Later in the day, a friend emailed with the subject line that she was turning in her grown up card.  She briefly mentioned the bombings at the Boston Marathon and how she just wanted to build a blanket fort and watch cartoons.

I didn’t know what happened in Boston – we’re having a media black-out in our house.  Let me explain why – the only news we watch is a day late and through our computer.  Our computer has been very unhappy for a few months and last week it went on strike.  It no longer will operate.  Saturday it took a trip to the computer doctor where it has stayed since.  We have no access to the news.  We don’t subscribe to newspapers and now have no news to watch.

All the information I have gotten on the bombings have been in brief emails and on facebook – neither actually informative.  It’s been a strange experience for me.  I have no emotional connection to what happened in Boston.  Aside from the fact that I know there were bombs at the end of the marathon, I have nothing.  No that’s not true – there was a brief runner on my home page about the bombs being made from pressure cookers.

For completely different reasons, I decided to turn in my grown up card last night.  My whole family got in our jammies and curled up with blankets on the couch to spend a night watching cartoons.  This made me think about writing a post about all this.  I have to say that sometimes my blog post ideas are not the successes I envision.

I don’t want to offend anyone when it comes to the tragedy that affected Boston but I’m struck by my lack of feelings towards it.  It’s unreal to me.  Which makes me wonder just how much of our emotions are influenced by what we see vs what we hear.  I know that people have different ways of absorbing information – visual, tactile and through sound.  I am very visual.  I have a hard time retaining information I hear vs information I see.  I believe this is the reason why I have no emotional connection to the bombing (well that and the fact that I have strong feelings about why we deserve acts of terrorism since we often are terrorists).

Before you jump on me and yell, I don’t mean people deserve to die.  I can’t completely express these feelings especially to people who are already angry.  Death is a natural part of life and somehow Americans feel like they don’t have to suffer consequences.  We are horribly mean.  We are far too disconnected to the actions our country commits because we don’t see it.  The media doesn’t show the effects of our bombs on other countries.  They don’t show the battered and beaten bodies of the innocent victims of our violence.

The world is a violent place but we pick and choose which violence to react to.  No I believe we are told which violence to react to.  We are instructed in which tragedies we should be sad for.  I was disliked during the attacks on the world trade center because I was angry – I was angry that we reacted with such emotion when we ignored the natural disaster in India that had happened days before or how we can ignore those who die every day – violently or alone.

I’m not heartless nor am I unpatriotic because I don’t weep for those in Boston.  I think it’s a shame that we blame Muslims for the bombings.  I don’t know who did the bombing and I’m pretty sure no one else knows (except who did the bombing).  Aside from the World Trade center attack (and all those coordinated on that day), our major terrorist bombings in the US have been done by white US citizens.  I hate that we forget that.

So maybe it is time to turn in my grown up card.  Not to hide but to return to a time when I judged people by their actions.  I knew who my friends were because they were kind.  I was naive – I didn’t know to judge people by the color of their skin or their faith.  I want to return to a time when I believe people said what they meant and promises were kept.  I want to return to when my biggest fear was the monster under my bed instead of my neighbor.  I want to remember only the good.  I want to believe that weeds are beautiful and that I will always have tomorrow.

I want to be swept away by fairy tales and moan every time someone put the news on (because that’s sooooo boring).  I want to believe that my fellow man is good.  And I hope everyone else turns in their card too.  Let’s return to a time before we really learned how to be mean (some people may have to revert to a very young age but that’s okay we all love babies).  Lets build forts and play outside.  Lets sing songs and dream big dreams.  We’ll dance and paint and somehow everything will work out just fine.

I think I’ll start today.