My twentieth class reunion is happening this summer. It’s funny how something like that has started this running dialogue in my head. I keep thinking about a scene I saw from a television show. I don’t even remember the tv show – couldn’t tell you anything about it except that there was this one episode when a character had a class reunion coming up in something like a week. She was lamenting how she hadn’t done anything in her life so in that one week she went off and did what she thought would make her feel successful. The one thing I remember is this newspaper article about how she taught Mother Teresa to love. It was over the top but I think it’s realistic because here I am with about four months wondering how I’m going to make myself better for this event.
First of all – what the heck is wrong with me? Why all of a sudden does it matter? I have no problem with aging or life in general but this class reunion is filling me with doubt. The weirdest part is – I’m just amazed I was invited. I didn’t graduate. My best friend and I joke that she’ll sneak me into the party. Imagine my surprise when I was on the list of “missing” invites. I’m honored and it’s not a problem to attend, except that every event over the weekend (what happened to class parties in the gym like on tv?) is expensive. It makes you start to wonder why is this out of my price range but cool with everyone else. Then add to that, that I’m not someone special. I haven’t won any major awards. I’m not a best selling author (or a selling author at all). I don’t run a fortune 500 company.
The reality is – I don’t think any of them are either. So why all the pain in my head. I think it’s not a bad thing because it is forcing me to evaluate my life. I have a good life. It’s not perfect but it’s good. I have just enough room to grow into the person I want to be. I have enough challenges to keep my life interesting and gives me opportunities to learn. I have a job I love. It’s not a glamorous job at all. I’m a phone operator but it allows me to continue to become who I want to be. I have time to write, create, plan. I don’t have work stress that comes home with me. I have a decent paycheck that pays all our bills (but just enough that we still need other income because we can’t get too comfortable). I have great medical insurance. I have a shop coming and I am so excited for what that means. I have worked on projects that made me proud to be a part of them. Maybe no one remembers then but I do.
Add to that – I have a wonderful husband. He’s not a super model but he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful. He is tolerant of my OCD and artist temperament (aka insanity). He is supportive of everything I do. If I told him tomorrow I wanted to be a yodeling skydiver – he’d ask me when I planned on starting (after reminding me that I’m terrified of heights but if I want to do then he believes I will be successful). We fight far too often but he refuses to sleep on the couch. He came into our lives when my son was five but you would never know that. He loves my son as if they shared DNA. In fact, my son is so much like him that it cracks us up. They even have the same scowl.
My son is not perfect either. He’s too much like his mom. He’s weird and creative and wonderful. (and soooo stubborn). He’s also smart and outgoing. And because of him, I have had wonderful experiences. We got to meet Temple Grandin – who he just admires because not only does she have autism but she spends her days working with animals. He’s not going to be the captain of the football team or an honor student but when I see him working with a horse or carrying a wild barn cat – I realize that I have a special child.
I have a great family – everyone of them, even when they make me crazy. My parents are supportive and have this way of being there in a way that I don’t think I could have made it this far without. Family makes you nuts but then that’s what makes them fun.
Then – I have the best friends. Starting with my absolute bestie – Vanessa. She’s given me weird looks over the years but she’s never dumped me no matter how weird I get. And I get weird. I’ve been blessed with wonderful creative people in my life (here’s where I get to drop some names). I was Jenni James’ secret friend when she got her agent. I have to admit it was a hard gift to send because she was already blessed. I am just delighted by her success and if you don’t know the name then I suggest you pick up the book Pride and Popularity. Raven Bower is awesome. I’ve had an amazing time getting to know her. Then, of course, there’s my favorite lady Shauntelle who I believe will take over the Oprah franchise and be the next biggest female celebrity for promoting other celebrities. Her name will become synonymous with marketing.
I have other great friends who make my life a success – Carol Wood (who is the funniest woman), Jacqui, Tricia, and so many others that I can’t begin to list them all. I know I’m missing people who I should name by name but that would take an entire blog post. Okay so I’m still fat and I’m still financially poor. That doesn’t mean I’m not successful. How many almost 40 year old women can say that they are living the life they are meant to live without regrets. Because I got to tell you, I don’t regret any of it. There have been a lot of rainbows in my life and that requires a fair amount of rain.
So I’ll probably read this post on a regular basis until August to remind myself that my life is perfect. I don’t need any changes, I just need to keep moving forward and keep all my good friends close.