Growing up, you learn the rules to life and just exactly how to get away with not following them. There are consequences to not following the rules and over time you may learn that the rules are not a bad thing.
Being neuro a-typical, the rules become something else. They are a concrete list of expectations but they are also infuriating and confusing. Sometimes the rules make no sense, sometimes they are incredibly unfair. However, it becomes something worse when you realize that the rules do not necessarily apply to everyone.
As a child, you learn to play games. They have rules and not playing by the rules equals cheating. Cheating in good fun makes the game enjoyable but those who cheat to win make the game less appealing to those who played fair. When that becomes real life then things get difficult.
I have a few times in my life when I rather hated the rules. I like playing by the rules, unless they really don’t make sense to me.
For example, I worked at a nursing home. I took required classes by our supervisor while working. The supervisor would say things like – under no circumstance should you not do this in this way. Okay – that’s a rule I got. The rules were designed to make our jobs more efficient, safer and to provide quality care. The problem was that no one actually followed the rules while working. I was constantly in trouble by the staff I worked with because I didn’t do things the way they liked. If I questioned them, then I was in trouble for arguing with senior staff. The job was hard enough but this made it worse. It seemed like I could do nothing right. I only survived that job for two months before a life circumstance made it difficult for me to remain in that job. I was grateful because I like to be a good worker.
Driving laws make me crazy – not because they exist but because most people refuse to follow them, including the police. I hate being behind a police car that is breaking the rules (probably the same rule they pulled me over for breaking once). The other thing about driving rules is that there’s not really a good way to actually know what the laws are. Nearly every summer, we talk with a friend of ours who is a cop at a festival with our driving law question of the year. Is it really illegal to drive without your shoes? No it’s not but you do have to have your turn signal on in a turn only lane for the entire turn. Then the rules change from state to state. Some rules are obvious like speed limit but more often than not we learn the rules when we are caught breaking them.
The same goes for societal rules and laws. I don’t get how gay marriage is the downfall of civilization. I don’t understand why a man can marry a horse or their 12 year old cousin but not another male. I don’t understand why men get to run around exposing their chests and women can’t breastfeed.
I, also, don’t understand why people can complain and not feel like they need to do something. I get that everyone has conflicting feelings and I, honestly, feel if you don’t like something then don’t do it but you don’t have to make it a law unless it’s actually unsafe. I think it’s stupid for people to move into a neighborhood and then complain about the neighbors that have lived there for 50 years. You knew they lived there before you moved in. I think it’s stupid for people to make moral decisions for others.
I know that we need rules but the rules need to be fair for the majority of the population (nothing will be 100% fair but really close would be good). The rules need to make sense and then everyone needs to commit to following them. Actually, everyone really should commit to following the rules and then work to change them instead of breaking them. Life can be spontaneous and wonderful but only if we all follow the rules. You may find that you actually like them. You may find that when you stop complaining and start understanding then things get better.
I, also, think people need to stop complaining about how life is unfair. You have no idea just how unfair it is until you stop complaining and actually work towards change. I get that we still have some social inequality in America and that’s sad. I believe we need to fight against that but complaining about not being able to text while driving – well I just want to slap you.
This post went so much better in my head than it did on paper but it’s here and I’m going to just let it be. Maybe the next Mother’s Curse post will be better thought out but then again – probably not and that’s okay.